everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
