ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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