you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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