so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
