I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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