i was born a porn star she said
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
