I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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