Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
