White coat. Heels.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
