I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
