i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
