god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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