I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
