I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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