you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
