I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
