I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
