i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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