just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
