I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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