a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Mom said you looked used
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
