i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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