Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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