So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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