why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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