note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
