I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
