so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
