if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
