Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
