Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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