Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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