My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
