I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
