Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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