Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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