im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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