ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
