I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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