i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
