feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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