So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
