I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
