dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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