If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
