Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
