I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
