Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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