She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What a dumb baby whore.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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