this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
