im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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