I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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