She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Randomize
