So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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