Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
