I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
