I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
3 2 1 whiskey
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
