dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
