if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize