Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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