here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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