I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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