My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
