there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
