wakey wakey hands off snakey
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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