Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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