Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
