Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
