I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
two words: eviction party
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
