Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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