just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she smelled like a LAN party
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
