My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
