It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
